I hate that I couldn’t see One Direction when they were in Sweden for a couple of hours today. I hate that I wasn’t at their party. I really hate myself for being a coward and not even daring to fight for it. I’ve seen clips and photos from today and I feel so bad. Not only because of the fact that I’m not there -  it’s mostly because of how people act. People were insane, the boys actually looked afraid at times. What the hell is all that about? I get so disappointed. When you have a fucking chance like that you don’t scream at the top of your lungs or run after them - you smile and hope that they smile back and have time to talk to you. I’m so frustrated. I’d die to meet them, say hi, i adore you guys, you’re amazing, bye. I seriously can’t stand this and I’m incredibly sad right now. I’m already messed up and when the only thing that makes me smile doesn’t… it’s not good, it’s really not. I feel really sick. I actually start to wonder if it’s worth it. I love ‘em. They make me a better person, they are somehow holding on to me and I need that. But all this madness, I don’t know, it makes me too sad. And when the fandom, the family, which I love most of the times, acts insane, hating on each other and other people … it goes way too far. Where’s the love guys? I mean seriously. Seriously. I’m torn.